Nerf Carolina--Bermuda

Ok it's been a while!  I've been really busy with the wedding of the century, which will have it's own blog.  But for tonight we are catching up on the bachelor..... so it's a two for one!!
So I wasn't really into Chris in the beginning, but he was cute on his date.  And the fact that I got to see LUKE BRYAN was good enough for me.
Group date with her friends and kids in the park.  That blonde lady was hilarious that is why I need a friend to get on the bachelor and let me be the friend that comes out there and grills these guys.  She called Jersey, Jersey and he did some really crazy dance moves.  And making all these guys work out, I like it.  I will say after all that I do like that Sean blonde guy a lot better.  And am so over Tony the muppet lover, he needs to go home to his boyfriend.  Also what is up with Ryan, he is soooo hot, and always rockin' a V-neck Tee.  I think he was trying to be nice and say don't get depressed and lazy, but let's be for real he prob would be over her if she got FAT.  I mean she is on TV for being hot, so what is the point if you are fat and ugly.
I will say all those guys playing with those kids was soooo cute.  And Sean saying even though he doesn't have kids his dad taught him to be a man.  And Jeff got along so great with kids because they are so close to the same age and maturity level.  This group date is FOREVER.  Dang I was hoping that Richie Rich Dallas Socialite would've been on the kids date, I would have loved to see that guy throw out a $100 to one of those kids and tell them to play nice.  Oh dang back to Tony again missing his kid...booo hooo.  I mean the kid probably doesn't live with him, he only sees him ever other weekend and at this point has only missed one visit.  Let me cry about my kid and get extra time with Emily.  I don't have kids and I don't know the feeling, but you chose to go on this show to find love, ever heard of MATCH.COM you can do that while hanging out with your kid.  Gosh I got so bored I just missed Tony leaving..bye bye.  Does Doug now look like an asshole for not wanting to go home with his kid.  YES to SEAN.....he's a keeper!!!  Winner Winner Chicken Dinner. 
Ok Ari in Dolly Wood....he doesn't even really know who she is?  haha  I want to go there so  BAD!!!  Please someone take me to Dollywood.  Does she own any other shoes, she wears boots on every date!  Oh shoooooooot DOLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYY!!!!!  I'm totally lost on this date, because I love DOLLY!  Dang I got distracted there is a fire truck and ambulance next door, so I missed part of this date and didn't like rewinding.  They do seem really cute together. 

Rose Ceremony and her daughter helps get ready all the time.... like my mom is so pretty and goes and hangs out with 20 guys every night.
What is gay guy with the eggs name?  Who the f is Shelly...that is soooo stupid.  She is gone to a better place.  Who is this guy with the long hair, he is being a douchebag?  Wow just said kids are compromise.  Ok bye bye, why would you say that.  Awwww Ari, I kinda like him a little more.  And I love kissing.  Oh and Emily is not scared to tell these boys they are hot..... more kissing....SEAN!!!!!
ok I totally could not keep watching this....
ok Tonight's episode.....
BERMUDA.... I can't wait to come back with husband...blah blah... so you want to go back to the place where you dated like 20 dudes with your husband, how about somewhere new!  Man love Ari making fun of Doug.....  This is what married couples walk around and buy shit for their kids..blah blah they are boring.  I wish superman would show up so something interesting would happen.  I'm really trying to watch this, but I"m more into playing with my new iphone and looking at photos on facebook.  What is up with this glittery butterfly on her dress...WTF?  Oh shoot Emily is getting real and saying he is not perfect.  Mr Perfect is staying...... for why?  Because he's cute, the only reason I can figure out.  Doug no kissing for you, good because she's kissed like 5 guys already.
Oh the sailing....shirts off?  There always has to be a date with shirts off....  Finally Charlie is on a date!  Dallas knows nothing about sailing, his element doesn't mean cruising on  your yacht.  Do you have to know how to swim to be on this show, because if I was on there I would make sure my men knew how to swim.    Sean throwing out the D-1 college football, does that make you a good sailor?  Is someone wearing skinny jeans?   Oh I kinda like that Travis too.  She hates watching guys compete, what planet is she from?  I really want to the red team to win, all my favs are on there.  Dang Arie is the only one I like on that yellow, we have to watch baby skateboarder, Dallas socialite and Ryan goody two shoes.  I mean the RED TEAM is HOTTTT!  Bye bye to Charlie, Travis and Sean...who cares about that Chris guy.  WAIT is Charlie crying...wait a dang minute, I might not like him quite as much, crying for losing a sailing race.  Dang she loves some making out with Arie, I like the way he just goes for it!   He is so nice and she is basically telling him to just wait and hang out and that she likes him.  Oh skateboarder is a little cuter each time too!  He is a little shy and didn't go for it.... GUYS GIRLS LIKE GUYS THAT GO FOR IT.  Ryan...geeez what a liner liner one liner.  I'm so tired of him, just tired in general 10pm.  Ryan is judging you and so is GOD. 
The Bermuda triangle...WOW dinner in cave.  They need a bigger table.  Nate is crying, he is soooo dang cute.  ok she really doesn't like her, like into him, she thinks he's nice in a best gay friend kinda way.
And someone named quiet angel just commented on one of my friends photos of me....haha sorry got really distracted.
ok back to it....goodbye Nate, Gay best friend material!
Is Rickie not in school?
Can these guys just take off their shirts and punch each other and just fight out for Emily.  Like Fight Club meets bachelorette, the battle, real world etc.....bleeding hot boys, may the best man win.  Which we know is Charlie because he has metal plate in head and could kill all of them all with a head butt.
Ryan just leave, Arie make out and let this show be over.  Ryan do you know how to read people?  She's just not that into him. 
I really do like Emily's outfit.  Chris is getting into drama and now talking to Emily like they are besties, stop putting your problems on Emily...geeez Wait I just got distracted by some blue knee high socks...I had to rewind to make sure I saw that.  What's going on with the gay man fight, just pull out your balls and see who's are bigger and be done with it.  Hi my name is Chris and I want Doug and Ryan to go home, but then who would I play bust my balls with?  She sounds like such a moron, the only reason she is on this show is becasue she's hot, nothing else. 
Date Card----sent myNATE NATE home...dang HOTTTTTTTNESS  I"m still sad about that.  CHARLIE...NOOOOOOOO  ahhhhhh I hate this show, Arie wins and I'm over this, she keeps making out with him.  Can someone who knows Dan Uggla baseball player friends with Charlie tell him to MARRY ME!!!  Long hair, don't care :(
Gosh I love Nashville, I could go see him.
She's making out with everyone and is her daughter in her room??  What if she hits it off with one of these guys and wants to bring him home, they do feed them lots of wine.

Back to playing with my I-phone.
That is not the two step...she SUCKS as a dancer....good night.