Ok so now let's act like I have real friends and mingle with common folk. They are all old and Rickie's friends parents, probably because they didn't have kids at 17.
Chris thanks for telling us how this works after 20 million seasons....can you tell us how to actually get married at the end???
BTW I'm eating a chocolate chip fudge milkshake from Cook-out, thanks to Erin and I only lost 0.2 lbs this week and I busted my ASS...booo
Back to bachelor
One on One date---Ryan--the one with the weird hair, does he do that on purpose? My pastor...I thought he said my pants treat a girl like a queen. Ok well he is hot so we know he is coming back, but let's see how the date goes....
This must be a casual date, they are dressed very relaxed. Can I take your hand, my preacher told me it was ok to hold hands.... Does anyone know Charles Heavner, does he look him?
Arrival at Emily's house, that is paid for by someone else of course, because she has NO JOB. This is going to be the gayest season EVER.... um you bring orange slices and fruit snacks to soccer not COOKIES :( and who brings snacks to practice. Wow some big risk on this first date. I would have loved to see the douche Kalon on this date baking cookies. The preacher's kid is gonna pass with flying colors.
Pool time---Let's always refer to the dad's if we are gonna talk about meeting Ricki or not?
Ok we actually have juice boxes and oranges and then cookies....i smell tummy ache. Wow we connected over juice boxes, how romantic. I'm done talking about this date....I"m bored. Let's get somewhere where this guy can take his shirt off...boom. Black on Grey, date OVER...booo I need a bowtie. Ok maybe I will comment again..he is color blind, that dress is not red. Something about the way he talks is HOT. The winner is clearly the person with the most money....so Emily is getting the prize of continuing to be a single mom with NO JOB. You are on the bachelorette, it a competition, it is a chase.... HAVE YOU EVER WATCHED THE SHOW, EMILY? Were you in there when you were on this show before?? Ok really done, I do like this guy a little more, but he needs a new hair do.
Next Date Card: Group Date... Alejandro Alejandro...did lady gaga just show up? Jersey has an opinion..shut up jerry curl. Ohhhh I love Charlie, but what a whimp that he is terrified. That guy just said HOLY SHIT, he was so PUMPED to hang with the Muppet's. Who is the guy with Kermit impression, kick him off right now, never do that again? Are these grown adults really having conversation with muppets? Is Charlie gonna throw up? He looks sooooo scared....aww I wanna hug him and make him feel better. I love him except for that TAT. Men in Tux HOT. Kalon looks uncomfortable in his tux, probably because it's cheap and not a $700 suit. Does Kermit's "handler" just crawl around on his knees? or maybe he is a midget?
Here we go to the stage.....Kick off Jersey, he liked dancing with Miss Piggy!
Now to Fozzy Bear....jokes are bombing. And these kids don't care about these guys.
Miss Piggy live... so the best bit yet! Skateboarder is looking a little cuter... and I might marry him, if we could skate off together on his skateboard. Awww Charlie.... I WILL MARRY YOU NOW!!! even with your disabilities...
Did Emily run out of costumes, she is wearing a wife beater with sequin skirt...WHaaaaat
I'm not blogging about this stupid-ass date....fast foward on DVR hope nothing good happens.
One on One time during group date...Chris ooohh you are so hot, this guys' wiener is getting a little hard just sitting there.
Skateboarder/aka jeff... They are playing middle school games, he is cute but his hair...ahhhh
Jersey / jerry curl...now we really are in middle school...swaying and bad dancing...boyz to men was the only good thing out of that convo
Dallas aka Kalon---about to bust in....I kinda like the douche, he is looking cute. He is wearing a collared cardigan...Mr. Smooth in the house... he just gave Aaron a F-you smirk...haha. We all wanna be 'that guy'... Dallas is 'that guy', read previous blog. Oh we have our first DOUCHE call of the season.
Date Rose...dom dom dom....goes to skateboarder aka Jeff aka Middle School
One on One--Frat Boy aka Joe....West Virginia Kiss your Mama...... Greenbrier Sucks for Ryan who got to go to soccer practice and make cookies. She says she grew up going there, is she rich, oh wait she called it fancy so she probably visited a few times with her folks. Oh yeah SHIRT off, love any date with a shirt off. Only reason I could not go on bachelor because I would have to be in a bathing suit.
Pause for some Pool Drama.... guy with 80 kids "Father knows best"......so sad you gave up all your dreams...cry in someone else's pool. So glad your kid knows what the bachelorette is and encouraged him to go.....
Back to Frat boy.... it's getting a little serious and she wants someone RICH who can support her and all her future kids and Joe is not up for the JOB....or he doesn't have a JOB that can support Emily and all her kids. Love clock is a cool thing.... but this clock is no longer ticking... BYE BYE JOE JOE.
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| Joe's Mug Shot |
Rose Ceremony---Race Car Driver....so tell me about your racing, tell me about your money, money, money.....blah blah. Oh he dropped the kids bomb...about his current GF? huh
Tony needs to go go go...he is driving me nutz, he has so many confessions...so tired of him talking about not talking to Emily! Tony AWKWARDNESS.......just leave now.
Awww they all hate Kalon....we have another Douche call. Louis Vuttion just got called out. I like Kalon I vote for him to be the next bachelor and tell all those sluts to suck it... because they probably would because he's rich and girls will do anything for MONEY!
Ok the votes are in...
KALON/Dallas..whoop whoop Money Money
Ari/Racer-- Money Money
Michael/Pony tail
Nate-Hottie, where has he been
Sean- the body blonde..cute
Chris/Creeper--Mr. Hotstepper, hard-on
Doug/80 kids-- Father knows best
Travis--who is that?
Tony-Muppet Lover
John-green shirts
Alesandro--he is foreign only reason he is still here
Charlie--MY MAIN MAN!!! Does anyone know where I can find someone like him?
Alejandro, Alejandro--Gaga
JERSEY/Jerry curl--she kept this guy Stevie...uggghhhhh
Aaron and Kyle are gone....booo they were nice. She is missing out AAron
DOLLY!!!!!! and LUKE BRYAN!!!!! next week..yippeeeeeee
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