Royall Realness: Miranda Miranda Miranda

So I went to Miranda Lambert Concert last night with some girl friends and it was awesome!!! Yep free tickets I won on the radio, went to pick them up and got two more free tickets!!!! She puts on a great show. We had a little tailgate at my house with curly fries and chicken tenders, a girls gotta eat. And a little spinach dip for Laura since she's not down with the chicken. Maybe a few brews, some colorful coozies, cowboy boots and we were ready for a stomping good time. Hung out in the parking lot with some lovely ladies before the concert, who need to know what the word BRA means, but they were nice and should lay off the brews and chicken tenders for SURE. Then got a "walking beer" for the LONG, short trek across the street to the entrance. "Walking beer", kinda like "shower beer", keeps you motivated during setting changes. First stop BATHROOM!!! And why is the line always ridiculous for the ladies, but we did learn that the line we were standing in only had 4 stalls, while another bathroom across the way had like a gagillion stalls...so we made moves. Where of course I stumbled into people from the high school it was a good little bathroom line chat, then heard "Hey aren't you Julia's sister, where is that Biotch?" Can't go anywhere without that sentence coming out and I thought I was the one sister who knew everyone, can't help it my sister is rockstar. So while standing in line I can't help but notice some outfits, or lack there of outfits. I mean do people not have friends??? Where is the show WHAT NOT TO WEAR when you need Stacey. I saw this one girl with a tube top, short skirt and boots, but she was like 6 feet tall, LESS is MORE in this case...you already got more, MORE LEGS...so don't show so much on the top. There there were some shirts with tassels, probably homemade, I'm just guessing on that one b/c if they sell that shit in a store, someone should be shot. Then there are always the concert T's.... don't get me wrong I love a good concert T, but when you weigh three hundred pounds and the words Gunpowder and Lead stretched across your chest and you can barely read them, NOPE :( FAIL :( I know I don't have the skinniest legs ever, but hey I'm athletic and think they are pretty nice, but really if you are fat and have fat nasty cellulite legs you should not wear boots..PERIOD. These were not even cowboy boots, I'm not even sure what they were, like Timberland boots made a baby with cowboy boots...timberboy or cowland boots...yeah that's what you looked like COWLAND!!! And yes I did see your spanks or biker shorts or whatever was under your skirt to keep your legs from starting a fire down there. Ok i'm being a little harsh on bigger people, but really they aren't the only problem. I mean bermuda shorts with boots, mini skirts with tube tops, JORTS with the pockets hanging out... a jean dress/jumper thing, unbuttoned with a neon yellow tank hanging out and I MEAN HANGING OUT...wowza. So my fav outfit had to be the little 10 year old girls sitting behind us and basically with us by the end of the night because of course I made friends with them. This little girl had on jean shorts, and yes the pockets were hanging out of the bottom, but the pockets were SEQUINS!!! I thought that was sooo cool and she had a shirt with matching sequins. I really wanted to ask her where she got them but then I figured they don't have my size at Limited too or Justice, so I'll just have to bedazzle my own jorts for future outings. BTW the parents said it was really nice of us to ask the little girls to be on our blanket with us so they could see better. I said the only rule is you have to DANCE....and DANCE we did!!! Holla to my back-up dancers at the Miranda Lambert concert. And to my booty shakers and movers at Shitty Limits, yes we did go there!! And met a guy who looked like Leonardo DiCaprio, when he was dead and wet and another guy who looked the the Itsy Bitsy Spider....hahaha.