A wedding... in Jail?

That's right folks, the queen of all weddings has now seen it all.  I went to a wedding on a Monday night.  Let me start from the beginning....

It was a regular Monday at work and my co-worker Alli had come in with her new engagement ring, she and her BF had been dating for two years.  They had gotten engaged on Sunday and she was soooo happy and excited.  Then a few minutes later another co-worker Robin came over to ask about our weekend and I excitedly said "Alli got engaged", she congratulated Alli and then began tapping her fingers on my desk.  I asked was there something else she needed, she said no and kept tapping.  Then one of our co-workers noticed Robin's ring... "YOU'RE ENGAGED??"  She said "YESSSS" in her drawn out southern accent.  And we were all like WHHHHAAAATTT???  I feel like just a few weeks ago I was coaching her on how to eat/like sushi with her new BF that she had just began dating.  That is right just a few weeks before they were having their first date and now engaged??  How does this happen?  And can she teach me how to catch a man that fast, get engaged, with a gorgeous ring, move into his house, get married and be on the verge of quitting her JOB (that is just my personal opinion). 

So one week later on a dreary Monday, Robin comes to my desk and says what are you doing tonight? Working (which is always my answer these days)... she asked if I could get off tonight and meet her at the COURTHOUSE???  Well now I'm not about to pass up the chance to be a part of a wedding, especially at the court house on a Monday night... what do think blogs are for...to tell stories like this.  So I said yes. Robin called me on the way asking what she should wear?  I told her I was wearing a black dress and she said she was too.  I told her I guess when it's your 4th wedding in a courthouse you can wear whatever you want???  A bikini for all I care.... but that would've made a great story too.

I drove my little happy WITNESS butt down to the Johnston County Courthouse and in all my 30 years.. that' right folks in 30 years of living/growing up in Smithfield I did not know where the magistrates office was.  I don't really think I've been much in the courthouse except to pay some taxes or something, so I think that is a good thing.  Then I find out the magistrates office is in the JAIL...  So I walk down to the jail, which is directly across from my church.  I do now realize I have been here once before to sing Christmas Carols.  So as I'm sitting and waiting in the jail, Robin calls they are running late.  So as I'm sitting this nice police lady comes in and does a double take on me... Holden? Royall?  Hey it's Bri Prince from middle school.  Wow who'd thunk I would be sitting in the Jail and run into a middle school friend who was NOT in jail, but working there.  So we chatted and caught up for a minute, then she got a call that a suburban had been stole' at the T-Mart.  Oh the T-mart brings back memories, we used to stop there every morning on the way to school and we had to do paper, rock, scissors to see who had to go in because if you went in you came out smelling like FRIED CHICKEN all day long.  Oh man missing their tater wedges.  Anyway Brianna had to go back to work, so there I was just sitting again.  The door opens and in walks Mr. Broughton, my sisters friend's dad, who lives down the street from me.  He looks puzzled and asked why I was there, I proudly proclaimed for a wedding, he responded with how romantic?  Then a trooper drives down the ramp with a man in custody and the other trooper stuck his head in and said Mam' what's your name?  Are you with the guy in the trooper car?  I said NO.  After pondering for a moment he stuck his head back in and said are you sure, I said yeah I'm here for a wedding.  FYI--you can get married 24/7 at the Magistrates office, never closes, just like the jail.  You do have to have all your paperwork prepared before hand, so no drunken night at the LBJ can you end up married at the JOCO courthouse, although I'm sure it's come close to happening.

Ok Bride and Groom arrive, groom picks up phone to be buzzed into... well pretty much the Jail.  It's the magistrates area, which is where you also go to visit people in jail or bail them out... all one the same place.  So guess who is the Magistrate, that's right Mr. Broughton, so he stands on one side of plexi glass, bride, groom and 2 witnesses and photographer!  Yep there were pics (included).  They say a few things, recite the vows like any normal wedding.  It was really cute, because they were just standing there staring at each other (not much other place to look), but it was very intimate and sweet.  And saves a TON of money...not such a bad idea.  I really felt apart of it, I was RIGHT there, I mean right there.

Then we were done, they kissed and we went to Kobe Japanese steak house for the reception!!  When the bill came the groom passed to me and said thanks Holden.  I kindly handed it back to him and said hope we are good at washing dishes.  He took it back and said this is one reception I can afford to pay for... haha

Congrats to Robin and Mike and thanks for letting me be a Witness... can I get a Witness to your special day!

Bachelor Pad

Bachelor Pad
--Here we go, let's meet the contestants

Lindsay Cox from Ben's season, she is cute but being really annoying, like OMG all the boys are sooo hot.
Ryan- Deanna 28 year old virgin
Chris-Emily's season, I used to think he was a crepper, but now he is kinda cute.  I might like Chris
Sarah- Brad's first season--no clue who she was, still don't remember her
Reid- Ed's frenemy, this is a great dynamic
Ed- Jillian's season, the winner who then cheated on Jillian....oh well he's back.
Rachael- Ben's season, gap in teeth, nose ring and now BACK FAT
Jaclyn- Ben's season, she has a college degree and she is sooo much smarter than everyone else.  I love her humor and making fun of everyone.
Tony the tiger from Emily's season, BORING
Blakley- did she just get dropped off from the mall, her outfit is straight out of fovever 21.  Atlteast Jacyln noticed and called her out

Did Lindsay really ask if the guys were here to win money or hook-up with someone?  Really do you have to ask that, have you ever watched the show.

Jamie- Ben's season, crazy kisser...
Michael- Jillian's season-- he is sooo funny and ready to win some money, kinda over him
Erica Rose-Lorenzo's season-- Love her she is soooo cray cray and drama with Kalon!
Kalon-Love him!!!!  He's a douchebag and makes no excuses about it!  Erica Rose look out.

Wow Erica is making issues about her looks.  And he just said she got naked on TV.  Brutally honest Kalon, LOVE IT!!  Watch out ladies, Kalon is out to get you.
I'm not going to lie the fan thing is kinda weird, it's like promoting stalking

FANS!!!!
Donna-Fan, fake boobs, loves Michael.  She loves to wear her bikini and wants to wear it all the time.  We'll see how many people this slut hooks up with.
Chris- SWAT-- he is cute and watches bachelor pad in his PJ's while drinking wine.  And they probably made him ask Chris Harrison for a pic, I mean who would want a pic with him.
Paige-she seems like the most normal, until she said she liked Chris
David- little man syndrome...never gonna make it
Twins--Virgin and Vagina --they are busted, have bad skin and are like middle school girls.  They are robots and so OVER THEM...wow they are dumb.

Wow I wish we could have two seasons of bachelor pad and skip bachelor...boo

Now let's get the party started!  Ed has already taking his clothes off.  Wow there is lots of alcohol and people are wasted.  Wondering since Chris arrived first is he the drunkest, he could've been taking shots by himself.
Rules--blah blah Chris Harrison is only there to hook-up with the cast off's now that he's getting divorced.  Vote each other off, so make a connection.  Ed doesn't seem to care and it's great.  He's making a joke of this whole thing and it's hilarious!

Partners--
Reid --Page-- read the page...loser, boring.
Erica Rose- Nick--- she does not want the help to be her partner
Blakely- Chris--ohh you picked me, I feel so lucky and we are going to have SEX tonight.  Blakely you are the hoochie
Kalon-Donna the newbie
Ed- Jaclyn-- they are both crazy and don't give a shit about what others are saying.
Sarah- Micahel
Twins and Dave
Lindsay-Tony
Rachel-Chris- Swat
Michael- Sarah
--I think I'm missing a few..oh well.
I think Blakely and Chris might win, they are both strong.....
this looks really hard and they held it out

The Twin and Dave--Fans won the challenge.  Well I think they won well becasue they are both MIDGETS!!  And everyone hates it...haha.  They really are annoying, but they better win every challenge or they are going home.

Who cares about the dates, they are such stalkers... this is just like vieana and, this is just like courtney and ben so let's get NAKED!!!
Blakely is a stalker adn cray cray, stay away from cray cray...don't stick your penis in cray cray.  You go Jamie, you were so cute and nice during Ben's season.  They are cute together, but you know the cray cray is gonna bust in.  And there is tons of alchol which leads to talking, more talking and kissing...whooooo.  Make out sesh, love a good make out sesh.  Blakely you are dumb and care about this guy in the 24 hours that you have known him.  You are just sad because you probably made out with him last night and now he's making out with someone else.....sooooo typical GIRL.

The dudes are lying in the bed drinking beer....why other guys are scrambling eggs... beer and eggs, sounds like breakfast of champions.  SO you basically win by being the best liar.  What a great lesson we are learning from ABC.

Well goodbye Paige, you seemed nice and maybe you and Reid can meet again.  Goodbye Swat, you were way cuter than that other fan.  Oh well he will probably be going home next week.  Lata!

I'm feeling hot hot hot

Wowza can anyone say hotness?  And I don't mean in a hot and bothered kinda way, well maybe I do a little bit because I did go see Magic Mike.  And if you haven't heard of Magic Mike you are living in a bubble.  It's has really hot guys that strip and that is really all you need to know. It was a hot and bothered kinda afternoon, good thing the air conditioning in that movie was turned way down, as in really really cool.  It was great and all single ladies should go see it.

But no I'm talking about heat in general, does this heat make you want to do crazy things?  Does the heat make people crazy?  I mean it made Katie Holmes divorce Tom Cruise or was that just the marriage contract that ran out.  I really really want to just stay in my house for a few days.  I went to run errands yesterday at 10am and was sweating just walking from the car to the store.  And unloading all my groceries all at once, NO WAY.  I made one trip with the perishables, (with the car still running), then ran another errand, then unloaded the rest.  Actually the sodas are still in my car, hope they didn't explode?  I mean something must be seriously wrong if I want water in stead of diet coke, seriously my brain must be baked from being so hot.  How can I live without caffine, but yet how can I live without water.   So there is no real point to all of that, except I pretty much hate being hot.  I went on a date last night and was SOOOO hot...sorry told my date I wouldn't write about it in my blog.  But if you know me, my blog is my life, so here is goes..... just kidding.

So my favorite holiday is July 4th and it is quickly approaching.  Yes it's the best holiday because it's in the summer, ususally means you are at the beach, with family, friends, drinks, hot dogs and all the other wonderful summer stuff.  Well not this year, the first year in MY LIFE I will not be at the beach.  I'm really trying to come to terms with it.  I mean who puts July 4th on a Wednesday, that should just be a rule that July 4th can't be on a Wednesday.  I tried to google how many times that has happened and well it did happen in 2007 which is the summer I started my new job the week after July 4th, so I guess I was on vacay for the week, maybe why I don't remember it being a big deal.  Maybe because back then I didn't have a big girl job and actually have to take vacation days.  So this year of COURSE I asked off for the 4th, but this other lady I work with had a wedding the next weekend out of town, I mean who gets married near/on July 4th???  So being the good co-worker that I am, said I was flexible and now have off the entire next week to spend with family at the beach.  I'm so excited for that, first time since I was in high school that I get to go for the entire week.
Awesome.  But for now I'm having people over for July 4th cookout, we are acting like kids, I have fun kids sprinklers (that I borrowed from my babysitting people) and maybe a slip in slide, Blueberry Julip's, Chillie Willies, loud music, daytime drinking, I might have a few floats in my front yard (no pool or pond?), hotdogs, baked beans, jello shots (that don't melt on the boat), dizzy bat, other drinking games and fun stuff for the yard.  Sounds pretty exciting, I'm pretty excited about it!!  So forget about not being at the beach and just ENJOY YO'SELF and enjoy whatever it is that you are doing this holiday and try to remember that it is about our independce.   Remember all those men and women that have fought and are still fighting for our country.
'MERICA!!!!!!!

Rockers and Strippers

Movies...  Soooo it's summer time the movie blockbusters are coming out left and right.  I recently went to see Rock of Ages, a pick by my dad for Father's day.  My two sisters, my dad and Cathy all went to see this movie on a Sunday afternoon.  Well if you know anything about me you know I love a good musical and a musical with rock and roll music....GGGGRREEAAT.  So the gist of the movie is there is a small town girl (Julianne Hough) who moves to Hollywood to get famous, meets cute boy, gets job in bar called Bourbon room, where all these bands play.  There is a washed up Rock Star (Tom Cruise) who is trying to start a solo career after breaking free of his band.  And the story is about how their lives intertwine and add a little rock and roll music and there you gooooo... a musical called Rock of Ages.  Now in the first scene of the movie they start playing a song and I glance over at my dad who is beside me and we are both nodding our head and tapping our foot just alike.  I always knew we both had great taste in music especially when I was little we would listen to tapes...yes I said tapes of Steppenwolf and Lynyrd Skynyrd.  I'm pretty sure my first song after "are you happy and you know it clap your hands" was "gimme three steps, gimme three steps mister, gimme three steps towards the door."  I still to this day know all the words to that song, along with both of my sisters.  So the movie is going on and we are jamming maybe just because I loved all the songs in the movie, maybe because I was there with my family, maybe because it brought back childhood memories of hanging out my dad.  It was the perfect choice for all of us to see together.  Now those stronger movie critics out there, Jane and Cathy weren't singing the praises of the movie as much as Julia, Dad and I were.  But I still think it was a great get together for all, rarely can we get all five us on the same schedule and to be quiet for two hours...haha.  So after the movie we standing there watching the credits, jamming to the last song and my dad casually says I partied with Quiet Riot one time.  Say what?  Cum on feel the noise is probably their most popular song. 
For more info visit http://www.officialquietriot.com/ 

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So after a statement like that, we demand an explanation, can't wait to hear this.  So as most Jimmy Royall stories start out..... well this one time when your mom and I....... were Acapulco we were at the bar and this man had on a UNC tarheels hat.  So naturally as any good Royall would do I struck up a conversation saying I was from NC, this guys was the manager of Quiet Riot and was from Greensboro.  Then he took us out to the beach to meet some of the guys in the band and they wanted to go para sailing, so I went para sailing with two of the guys from Quiet Riot.  Then after that they invited us back to a party at their house.  Sooooo did you go???  Yeah of course.  The story kinda faded at this point, I guess back in the 80's what happened with Quiet Riot stays with Quiet Riot.... haha what a great story.  Now for a second I found myself asking, is this story true??  Now why if my dad was going to make up a story about meeting rockstars would it about Quiet Riot, so I determinded it was probably true along with all the rest of my dad's crazy stories.  -Maybe those should have their own blog soon.
So I give the movie two thumbs up, I give my dad's story two thumbs up and I say everyone should defiantly see this movie.

Now Magic Mike is coming out is June 29th and I can't wait.  It's starring Channing Tatum, Matthew Mcconaughey, Alex Pettyfer (I am four, Beastly...HOT) and Joe Manganiello (Alcide from True Blood).  If those four names aren't enough to make you go watch, check this out.

So it's about an older stripper (Mcconaughey) that teaches a young stripper (Tatum) how to party, pick up women and make easy money.  It's loosely based on Tatum real life.  He was a stripper before getting into acting.  I don't really care what it's about, I am for sure going to see this and hopefully as soon as it comes out.  Hopefully it's good and I can go see it again, because I think I would have many good nights of sleep dreaming about these hotties.

Now I'm sure there are other movies of the summer, but these peaked my interest and I'll be sure to let you know about Magic Mike afterwards.... but might takes a few days to recover from my weak in the knees feeling from this film.

Happy Weekend ya'll!!!!!

Baggage Claim

Ok here's goes nothing.  I'm totally bored with this season already...booo Emily is sooooo boring. I can't believe I'm taking the time to write about this.  Someone said this is the best season, are you serious?  The only reason it's the best season is because most of the guys are HOT.
So we start with a date with Sean, what a sweetie.  They are cute together, he is nice, but BORING.... I mean really can we get some excitement on this date.  Finally they kiss, I don't really think she likes him.  I think she's into him, but NOT THAT INTO HIM.

Group date...really you are going to London, and doing Shakespeare.. and with major southern accents.  Wow this is really bad, I loved Ari in a dress, he was a hoot.  I loved that some of guys had fun.  And of course my fav was Mr. Dallas and his seriousness.  What a terrible actor and terrible person.  Although I love to hear what he has to say...  And if Ryan talks one more time about kissing Emily...blah blah.  I'm so over Ryan the preacher's boy.  Whitney likes him, so consider HOUSE DIVIDED.  Oh let's get ready for what is about to happen.  All these guys feel they NEED to tell her and protect her from awful Kalon.  Oh Kalon and his 'baggage comment', I'm so over them using and about abusing the baggage comment.  So he said it so what, most single guys would be a little nervous about taking on someone else's kid.  I don't agree with the way he said, but I see what he was saying.  All these guys just didn't like the way he was and saw this as a way to get rid of him.  And boy did they......The way she was going at Kalon, was pretty awesome and she used his own line against him....hahah  best scene ever.  Finally Emily is interesting and she used the F-word.  Wow so this sweet innocent Emily just got all crazy eyed and went West Virginia Hoodrat County Crazy Ass....WOW that is all I wanna say.  And being from Johnston County, I know exactly what she means watch out.

Date with Jef- I'll be honest I was out of the room for most of this date.  But I came up on the end when they were eating dessert and talking.  I wanted that dessert so bad, that is all I could think about it.  They were cute and I think he was being really honest and I don't think he is too young, I just think he looks young.  He still soooo young looking, but she likes it.

Rose ceremony, let's get serious.  Emily is grilling everyone about not standing up for her.  I mean they are liable to get slapped if they butted in.  And what the hell is Ryan wearing, scarfs are not cool for guys and Shakespeare scene is over, SO GET OVER IT.  They are all feeling really bad for not standing up for her.... geez I mean she showed them who has the balls in these relationships.

--Roses go to...
Doug- well of course the tattle tell single dad gets one
Ryan- Shakespeare in the flesh ...uggghh
Chris- is really creepy, I don't get why she thinks he is so hot
John- I don't really remember anything about him, no really nothing, he's the one with the wolf name
Travis- He is cute too, but boy did she grill him when they had alone time
Ari- I love him a little more each time
Jef-already got one on his, he was nice and sweet on his date and I think he is really genuine and into her
Sean-already got one on his date, he is too cute


Goodbye - Alejandro-- cry cry, I don't really remember him either
Oh yeah and LATER-- Kalon, don't be sad he is already signed up for Bachelor Pad, Can't freaking wait to see him and Blakely on the same show, he is gonna rip those other contestants apart...whooo bring on bachelor pad, WHO CARES ABOUT EMILY!!!

Where are William and Kate?

Ashely and Jordan's wedding June 2nd 2012

This past weekend I was a bridesmaid in the most beautiful wedding, I really thought I was at the Royal wedding.  Oh where to begin on this post.  Well it all started a few years ago when I invited my friend Ashley to hang out with some of my country boy friends and float down the river and drink beer.  Ashley met Jordan and the rest is history.  I had a planned to introduce the two long before they actually met I just had to find the right opportunity, ie get rid of his current girlfriend and convince her that JOCO boys were more fun.  SO done and done, they date, they get engaged, they plan wedding.  Oh and if anyone knows Jordan's mom I had to find someone she would approve and I knew she would love Ashley and her family just like I do.

So let's start with Thurs, the bridal gown, yeah that's right "THE BRIDAL GOWN" arrived from Charlotte per bridesmaid Liz to 2458 Medway Drive, which would be my house Thursday night.  Some of the girls were going out on the town, but this girl had to work the next morning prior to the luncheon and decided to stay in and babysit the dress.  Well there was a storm a brewing and Holden  had the dress hung on the bathroom door which was by a window...no way was that storm blowing through that window and messing that dress up, so Holden moved the hook and the dress to her bedroom door, securely in the middle of the house.  That is where you are supposed to be if storms, tornadoes, hurricanes come, whatever safest place...ahhhh.  Finally Holden took a xanax so she could sleep and not worry about "THE DRESS".

Bridesmaid Luncheon--So here we are on Friday at the bridesmaid luncheon at the Capital City Club.  Which if anyone has ever been to a bridesmaid luncheon I bet you can guess what we had... CHICKEN SALAD....which if you are me you LOVE!!!!!  It was so beautiful and given by the mother of the bride (Robin) best friends.  The bridesmaids were given these really cute short sleeve pink robes with our initials to wear while we were getting ready on Saturday and a gorgeous hair pin for our updo's on Saturday.  We dined, we talked, we took pic's we drank mimosas and then we parted ways to get ready for the nights festivities.  Wait oh Wait does anyone remember I have "THE DRESS" actually it's dresses, there were two, for later evening change.  Will you just drive them to Clayton....ahh don't wreck don't wreck, need another xanax, how did I get this job.  Safefully arrive and unload dress to it's destination at the Dr. Watson Inn.  Dr. Watson Inn is a beautiful bed and breakfast on Flowers Plantation in Clayton and the ceremony would take place in front of the house with the reception in the tents beside.  The groom also bulit this bed and breakfast with a historic look and using parts of the original house that stood in that very spot. So COOOOOL.

Rehearsal---After the threat of bad weather and a parking lesson from the mother of the groom (Becky Flowers as in Flowers Plantation) we were finally all gathered in the reception tent temporarilly because of the rain and running about 45 minutes late.  I mean it's 12 girls what did you expect.  We all gather and we meet the wedding planner, all 32 of us.... yes I said 32, 1 bride (ashley), plus 1 groom(jordan), plus 2 brides parents, plus 4 grooms parents, plus 12 bridesmaids plus 12 groomsmen, which I think is 32.  She gets all of our attention and instructs us to line up, we ask how is there a list, by height???  She then must converse with the bride briefly and we line up by height... wow there is long line when you are trying to line up 26 people across.  Weather clears, great, we process out towards the ceremony area and work on our walking.  Walking down the aisle, where to not sure, no instructions given, but we walk with our walking mate make our way down the aisle.  And as any good rehearsal goes, we stand, we stand, we stand and more standing.  Now I'm sure there is something going on that I should be listening to, but all I can think of is dang I should've worn my flip flops during the rehearsals and my pretty tall shoes later and don't drink toooooo much wine, tomorrow is a long day.  Well somewhere in there I spaced out and now all the boys and girls are all lined up even, all learned how and where to stand and now it was time for dinner and beer! Yummmm  Man I've got to shorten this up.  Dinner was awesome had some salmon, I got up introduced Erin(childhood friend of bride) for her speech, Josh (grooms brother) for his speech, which I learned I was doing about 20 minutes before...good thing I'm so shy and all.  The speeches were great some stories and memories shared.  Then it was COASTLINE TIME....... and we drank and we drank, and then finally people danced.  Oh then I got the news I had make-up call at 8:30am..wowza slow down.  Ashley's dress was beautiful, probably nicer than some brides dresses...haha.  She had a great time and looked great.... Jordan (the groom) had this group in college called CTK and we all made these neck ties that said CTK and did the Wilson Phillips "hold on" song from the movie Bridesmaids and danced like idiots and looked AWESOME.  There is a video somewhere.  So the night ends with craziness at hotel that is not blog appropriate.  So I called my dad to pick me up and nighty night.



Girls by Katy Cook Photography

 Saturday WEDDING DAY.....

Getting ready----Wow what a transformation that happened at Flowers Plantation and to my face.  For the record I should get a gold star and cookie for being on time at 8:30am for make-up...WOW no wonder I'm still tired and it's Thursday.  So make-up 8:30, then to hair which Laura took me, Laura had to leave me because my girl was running late.... here comes good old dad again to pick me up and I asked for $20 and he gave it to me.  I had to give all my cash to hair girls ;) I feel so high school right now, asking my dad for rides and cash. Arrive to the most beautiful girls getting ready, there is chick fila, Bella (ashley's yorke dog), planners, decorations, it was something out of a movie.  Everyone in there pink robes, except Ashley hers was WHITE!!!  The tent had been transformed, our faces, hair, nails etc had been transformed, then begins the best part of every wedding..... hurry up, wait stand around, hurry up, hurry up, wait wait, hurry up.... which includes pics, getting dressed, boots, paper dolls, packing our bags, moving our bags, find my SPANX, yes where the hell are are SPANX, with all this chaos the last thing I need to lose is my SPANX, please someone help me! me me me me for once today it's about me me...wheeeeew found them in the closet!  Now if I had known getting dressed was going to be one of the hurry up times, I would have started this Spanx maneuvering a little sooner.  Finally in, bag packed, jewelry on.  We were instructed to put bag on bus that was going back to hotel.  Then we were instructed if our cars were out back they needed to be moved.  Now I simply asked if my bag that has my keys in it, was on the bus, how the Hell am I moving my car, right got that I'm not....so there were a few bridesmaids cars in handicapped parking.  After being ready for make-up at 8:30am I was a little handicap?  Don't you think.  Good thing someone invented five hour energy and a nice Make-up lady to go get it!  Two thumbs up Heather Shaw.

WEDDING DAY -



Actual wedding-- look we've all been to weddings so I'll tell you what I remember and how things went.  First the bridesmaids were trying to figure out where to go and wait.  We were also on our best behavior no heavy drinking, so while waiting in reception tent for wedding to start they are stocking the ice sculptures with Champagne Bottles...yes that is right GIANT ice shaped like bowls, filled with Champagne..David Tutera, where are you?  This is something straight off of TV.  So we ask one of the waiters for a bottle, no glasses Kristen politely says as she sneaks out back, followed by me.  We pop that bottle, then the maids go marching two by two horah horah, out of the back of the tent.  You know we are hanging with catering people passing around a bottle of champagne, we are BALLER and I totally feel like I'm in high school.  Oh shoot here comes the mom...chug chug chug. DONE.  So we line up still by ourselves and when I say that (no wedding coordinator or assistant in sight) we are lined up to walk in (see we did listen during rehearsal) the mothers are lined up, it's 5:00pm (which is wedding time) still no one telling us when to go.  So the mom's go, I mean they are supposed to be seated at 10 til anyway, have you ever been to any good southern wedding when they weren't?  So they are seated, cue the arrival of wedding planner, she can't find the mom's...yeah because they are seated already it's 5:10pm....anyway..... we walk, we waltz, we smile, we book it down the aisle.  The handsome gentlemen come from beside the house and are looking ravishing.  We are standing..and standing... just kidding here comes Ashley around the corner on a horse and carriage... YES a FREAKING horse and carriage...back up and Will and Kate you ain't got nothing on Ashley...BOOM!  So Erin is in front of me balling crying and looks back and says say something funny, I replied with the only joke I can think of is about a guy F-ing a chicken and I don't have time to tell that... she started laughing, Winner.  Then Laura is crying behind me, so I quickly spot a midget (which she is scared of) problem solved.  No really one of the guys driving the carriage was a midget.  Some words are said, some songs were sung... ok I'm not that bad.  The Lord's prayer was sung and Can't help falling in love.  But one of the coolest things was the ring bearer.

--Side note-- Howard is this old black man who was Jordan's grandfather's right hand man, did everything for him, knows all his stories, the fella is about 100 years old and when Jordan proposed it was Howard who was holding the ring during dinner the whole time before the question was popped.  Howard is a part of this family.--end note

Howard

So Howard was the ring bearer, he sat in the front row with his shiny black tux and two tooth grin, gripping those rings.  And when the preacher asked for the rings Jordan stepped over and got them from Howard.... tear and I'm not a crier.  Oh also had a tear when Ashley's dad Edwin gave her away, he was so cute and on the verge of chocking up.  Such a sweet beautiful family.  They are done, they are married they are walking out, we are walking out.  We are taking pictures and pictures and pictures.  No there really wasn't that many and Katy Cook the photographer was AWESOME.  Her pic's are great and I'll post the link at the bottom.

So we get announced, watch the bride and groom dance....so cute she put his sunglasses on the back of her neck.  I stood there wish Josh the grooms twin brother and just watched in silence...for once I was silent ,probably only time all day.  It was a great moment, just standing there with one of my besties and just enjoying a moment.  I know he's secretly thinking that could be us.  Well yes as a matter of fact we made a pact about 15 years ago it would be us if we hadn't found anyone else.  I still have hope!!  Then Ashley and her dad shagged to Miss Grace... she is after all Ashley Grace Herring (now Finch).  Then Jordan and his mom and you know the drill from there on out, cake cutting, toast from brides parents, garter bouquet...etc.  Except there was a surprise Mr. and Mrs. Wuf from NCSU wolfpack showed up and Ashley is a huge fan, went to school there and has season football tickets.  It was great for her, not so much for me as I bleed Carolina Blue.  And for me cocktails and Mr. and Mrs. Wuf don't really mix and that is why we have pic's like this..... haha.

The band was THE MAXX out of Hotlanta, by far one of the best, that is why I recommended them, another cookie.  Geez can someone tell me to lay off the cookies.  They kept the party going, we had a soul train line, we had all sorts of stuff.  There was a photo booth that was great, but just a little advice in the future, you never want to be the LAST people in the photo booth, especially when you got your make-up done at 8:30am and it's two of your best friends weddings...yeah those pic's are not so pretty.

So the lessons from this wedding.

I'll never go to a bigger, more beautiful or more expensive wedding in my LIFE
Who gives a crap what the wedding planner says, as long as the bride has a great time...DONE

Never be the last one in photo booth

And request single groomen in the bridal party!

And always always DANCE YOUR FACE OFF!!!

Nerf Carolina--Bermuda

Ok it's been a while!  I've been really busy with the wedding of the century, which will have it's own blog.  But for tonight we are catching up on the bachelor..... so it's a two for one!!
So I wasn't really into Chris in the beginning, but he was cute on his date.  And the fact that I got to see LUKE BRYAN was good enough for me.
Group date with her friends and kids in the park.  That blonde lady was hilarious that is why I need a friend to get on the bachelor and let me be the friend that comes out there and grills these guys.  She called Jersey, Jersey and he did some really crazy dance moves.  And making all these guys work out, I like it.  I will say after all that I do like that Sean blonde guy a lot better.  And am so over Tony the muppet lover, he needs to go home to his boyfriend.  Also what is up with Ryan, he is soooo hot, and always rockin' a V-neck Tee.  I think he was trying to be nice and say don't get depressed and lazy, but let's be for real he prob would be over her if she got FAT.  I mean she is on TV for being hot, so what is the point if you are fat and ugly.
I will say all those guys playing with those kids was soooo cute.  And Sean saying even though he doesn't have kids his dad taught him to be a man.  And Jeff got along so great with kids because they are so close to the same age and maturity level.  This group date is FOREVER.  Dang I was hoping that Richie Rich Dallas Socialite would've been on the kids date, I would have loved to see that guy throw out a $100 to one of those kids and tell them to play nice.  Oh dang back to Tony again missing his kid...booo hooo.  I mean the kid probably doesn't live with him, he only sees him ever other weekend and at this point has only missed one visit.  Let me cry about my kid and get extra time with Emily.  I don't have kids and I don't know the feeling, but you chose to go on this show to find love, ever heard of MATCH.COM you can do that while hanging out with your kid.  Gosh I got so bored I just missed Tony leaving..bye bye.  Does Doug now look like an asshole for not wanting to go home with his kid.  YES to SEAN.....he's a keeper!!!  Winner Winner Chicken Dinner. 
Ok Ari in Dolly Wood....he doesn't even really know who she is?  haha  I want to go there so  BAD!!!  Please someone take me to Dollywood.  Does she own any other shoes, she wears boots on every date!  Oh shoooooooot DOLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYY!!!!!  I'm totally lost on this date, because I love DOLLY!  Dang I got distracted there is a fire truck and ambulance next door, so I missed part of this date and didn't like rewinding.  They do seem really cute together. 

Rose Ceremony and her daughter helps get ready all the time.... like my mom is so pretty and goes and hangs out with 20 guys every night.
What is gay guy with the eggs name?  Who the f is Shelly...that is soooo stupid.  She is gone to a better place.  Who is this guy with the long hair, he is being a douchebag?  Wow just said kids are compromise.  Ok bye bye, why would you say that.  Awwww Ari, I kinda like him a little more.  And I love kissing.  Oh and Emily is not scared to tell these boys they are hot..... more kissing....SEAN!!!!!
ok I totally could not keep watching this....
ok Tonight's episode.....
BERMUDA.... I can't wait to come back with husband...blah blah... so you want to go back to the place where you dated like 20 dudes with your husband, how about somewhere new!  Man love Ari making fun of Doug.....  This is what married couples walk around and buy shit for their kids..blah blah they are boring.  I wish superman would show up so something interesting would happen.  I'm really trying to watch this, but I"m more into playing with my new iphone and looking at photos on facebook.  What is up with this glittery butterfly on her dress...WTF?  Oh shoot Emily is getting real and saying he is not perfect.  Mr Perfect is staying...... for why?  Because he's cute, the only reason I can figure out.  Doug no kissing for you, good because she's kissed like 5 guys already.
Oh the sailing....shirts off?  There always has to be a date with shirts off....  Finally Charlie is on a date!  Dallas knows nothing about sailing, his element doesn't mean cruising on  your yacht.  Do you have to know how to swim to be on this show, because if I was on there I would make sure my men knew how to swim.    Sean throwing out the D-1 college football, does that make you a good sailor?  Is someone wearing skinny jeans?   Oh I kinda like that Travis too.  She hates watching guys compete, what planet is she from?  I really want to the red team to win, all my favs are on there.  Dang Arie is the only one I like on that yellow, we have to watch baby skateboarder, Dallas socialite and Ryan goody two shoes.  I mean the RED TEAM is HOTTTT!  Bye bye to Charlie, Travis and Sean...who cares about that Chris guy.  WAIT is Charlie crying...wait a dang minute, I might not like him quite as much, crying for losing a sailing race.  Dang she loves some making out with Arie, I like the way he just goes for it!   He is so nice and she is basically telling him to just wait and hang out and that she likes him.  Oh skateboarder is a little cuter each time too!  He is a little shy and didn't go for it.... GUYS GIRLS LIKE GUYS THAT GO FOR IT.  Ryan...geeez what a liner liner one liner.  I'm so tired of him, just tired in general 10pm.  Ryan is judging you and so is GOD. 
The Bermuda triangle...WOW dinner in cave.  They need a bigger table.  Nate is crying, he is soooo dang cute.  ok she really doesn't like her, like into him, she thinks he's nice in a best gay friend kinda way.
And someone named quiet angel just commented on one of my friends photos of me....haha sorry got really distracted.
ok back to it....goodbye Nate, Gay best friend material!
Is Rickie not in school?
Can these guys just take off their shirts and punch each other and just fight out for Emily.  Like Fight Club meets bachelorette, the battle, real world etc.....bleeding hot boys, may the best man win.  Which we know is Charlie because he has metal plate in head and could kill all of them all with a head butt.
Ryan just leave, Arie make out and let this show be over.  Ryan do you know how to read people?  She's just not that into him. 
I really do like Emily's outfit.  Chris is getting into drama and now talking to Emily like they are besties, stop putting your problems on Emily...geeez Wait I just got distracted by some blue knee high socks...I had to rewind to make sure I saw that.  What's going on with the gay man fight, just pull out your balls and see who's are bigger and be done with it.  Hi my name is Chris and I want Doug and Ryan to go home, but then who would I play bust my balls with?  She sounds like such a moron, the only reason she is on this show is becasue she's hot, nothing else. 
Date Card----sent myNATE NATE home...dang HOTTTTTTTNESS  I"m still sad about that.  CHARLIE...NOOOOOOOO  ahhhhhh I hate this show, Arie wins and I'm over this, she keeps making out with him.  Can someone who knows Dan Uggla baseball player friends with Charlie tell him to MARRY ME!!!  Long hair, don't care :(
Gosh I love Nashville, I could go see him.
She's making out with everyone and is her daughter in her room??  What if she hits it off with one of these guys and wants to bring him home, they do feed them lots of wine.

Back to playing with my I-phone.
That is not the two step...she SUCKS as a dancer....good night.